In a rare example of NASA humor, the spacecraft which captured the first high-resolution images of the surface of Venus by synthetic aparture radar was originally designated the Venus Orbiting Imaging Radar, or VOIR, pronounced, roughly speaking,"voyuer". It was, after all, intended to steal a glimpse of Venus, the goddess of love, beneath her veil of clouds. Two years later the name had to be changed to Magellan when Headquarters finally got the joke.

Anonymous

Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.

 

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Navajo Wisdom

About 1966 or so, a NASA team doing work for the Apollo moon mission took the astronauts near Tuba City where the terrain of the Navajo Reservation looks very much like the Lunar surface.  Along with all the trucks and large vehicles, there were two large figures dressed in full Lunar spacesuits.

Nearby a Navajo sheep herder and his son were watching the strange creatures walk about, occasionally being tended by personnel.  The two Navajo people were noticed and approached by the NASA personnel.  Since the man did not know English, his son asked for him what the strange creatures were and the NASA people told them that they are just men that are getting ready to go to the moon. 

The man became very excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. The NASA personnel thought this was a great idea so they rustled up a tape recorder.  After the man gave them his message, they asked his son to translate.  His son would not.

Later, they tried a few more people on the reservation to translate and every person they asked would chuckle and then refuse to translate.

Finally, with cash in hand, someone translated the message, "Watch out for these guys, they come to take your land."

 

The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time.

Merrick Furst

Your Co-worker Could Be a Space Alien, Say Experts
...Here's How You Can Tell

Many Americans work side by side with space aliens who look human -- but you can spot these visitors by looking for certain tip-offs, say experts. They listed 10 signs to watch for:

#3. Bizarre sense of humor. Space aliens who don't understand earthly humor may laugh during a company training film or tell jokes that no one understands, said Steiger.

 

#6. Misuses everyday items. "A space alien may use correction fluid to paint its nails," said Steiger.

 

#8. Secretive about personal life-style and home. "An alien won't discuss details or talk about what it does at night or on weekends."

 

#10. Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near certain high-tech hardware. "An alien may experience a mood change when a microwave oven is turned on," said Steiger.

The experts pointed out that a co-worker would have to display most if not all of these traits before you can positively identify him as a space alien.

 

National Enquirer, Michael Cassels, August, 1984.

[I thought everybody laughed at company training films. -Ed.]

---

Oh, give me a locus where the gravitons focus
        Where the three-body problem is solved,
        Where the microwaves play down at three degrees K,
        And the cold virus never evolved.                       (chorus)
We eat algea pie, our vacuum is high,
        Our ball bearings are perfectly round.
        Our horizon is curved, our warheads are MIRVed,
        And a kilogram weighs half a pound.                     (chorus)
If we run out of space for our burgeoning race
        No more Lebensraum left for the Mensch
        When we're ready to start, we can take Mars apart,
        If we just find a big enough wrench.                    (chorus)
I'm sick of this place, it's just McDonald's in space,
        And living up here is a bore.
        Tell the shiggies, "Don't cry," they can kiss me goodbye
        'Cause I'm moving next week to L4!                      (chorus)

CHORUS: Home, home on LaGrange,
        Where the space debris always collects,
        We possess, so it seems, two of Man's greatest dreams:
        Solar power and zero-gee sex.

                --Home on Lagrange (The L5 Song) 
                       © 1978 by William S. Higgins and Barry D. Gehm

******************************************************************************

 Things that never happen in Star Trek

1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has encountered several times before.
2. The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.
3. The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.
4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.
5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sickbay.
6. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
7. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
8. A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the user of a computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature called a 'fuse'.
9. The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
10. The Enterprise crew is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
11. The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.
12. The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.
13. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is in some way unconnected with the 20th century.
15. Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.
16. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
17. The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
18. The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny, day.
19. An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."
20. A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.